This is a subject I should’ve discussed months ago. I know it has crossed many of your minds as well as mine! Trust me! Grieving parents are as awkward around others as we are to them. Isn’t that funny?
Sometimes I stop in my tracks from a question I get asked and don’t know how to reply. I was asked not too long ago if I had any children. I stupidly said, “kinda.” Like I said, it happens to us too.
I am sure many of you get a little anxious on how to approach us. Do you smile, frown, hold back happiness, etc? You totally be yourself! Smile, laugh, no holding back. When we see others it is a moment of peace for us so your big smiles and laughs are medicine for our injured spirits.
We go through enough sadness when we are alone, so bring on the happiness! I have greeted others and I can tell they don’t know what kind of facial expression they should wear. So let me tell you, wear your happy face! 🙂
Some of my feelings of what not to say to a grieving parent will apply to most grievers but others may disagree and that is totally OK. We are all different and this is a very personal situation. Every person in their lifetime will typically have to face grief. With that in mind, what not to say to a grieving parent can be a guideline for all grievers.
This should almost be self-explanatory. If you have lost your child, YES, you unfortunately understand and my gosh share your thoughts! It all helps. But if you have not had your child removed from your life than it’s probably best not to say you understand what a grieving Mom is going through.
Every loss is tragic and life-changing, don’t get me wrong. Losing a parent, spouse, sibling, grandparent, close friend, or pet is heartbreaking. I feel a Mom that walks the earth that her child is buried under is wrong and we are a different breed. A Mom will do anything for her child and if we could change things and be the one buried and have our beloved child still walk the earth we would do it in a heartbeat. No doubt about it!
Time Will Heal All Wounds
From my personal experience, it gets HARDER with time! You miss your child more every day, are overwhelmed with how you will never see them again, you worry how you will feel 10 years from now, everything reminds you of your child.
It DOES NOT GET BETTER WITH TIME!
I have talked with other Mom’s and they agree. We are simply stuck here! We would rather be with them but we can’t so we are forced to put on a facade and act like we are OK. This is our new life. Stinks!
You Need to Get Out More
WRONG! Going out does not help with missing your child. We have this cloud that follows us everywhere we go. Yes we can still smile and laugh but the more smiles we have does not mean we are not hurting inside and missing our child.
I feel it’s harder because when I go out, which isn’t often, all I think about is how much my son should be there with me. How he would enjoy doing what I am doing. How he should be living life. To be honest, it almost feels like guilt.
When I get out, I am guaranteed not to go anywhere the following days so I can regroup. Yes I know my son wants me to enjoy life and live it to it’s fullest. I tell myself that a lot. It’s just very hard. Almost impossible. He should be here with me.
God Doesn’t Give Us Anything We Can’t Handle
Whew this one really gets my attention. Think about this, how CAN we handle losing our child? Is there a proper way to go about living without your child who you would have given your life for? There is only one way to get through this, to keep waking up every day knowing it will be the same as yesterday and the same as tomorrow. There isn’t a parent that will handle losing their child in a good way. Like I said previously, there is no right way to handle this, we just HAVE too.
You are Handling This Well
Another one that’s makes my blood boil! Nobody sees a grieving parent when they are alone. A parent that boohoos her eyes out in front of people opposed to a parent that does not cry in front of others does not mean one is handling this tragic situation better or worse. There are many people who do not like public display of grief. And I am one of them! Some people are private and others seek more support from others. Neither should be judged on how well they are handling the death of their child. Just hearing that makes me cringe. It’s not right!
You know who you are. 🙂 And guess what, I have been that person too. Nobody knows what to say to someone suffering a loss. It is easier to simply ignore that person. I found myself a couple years ago awkwardly ignoring someone who had lost her husband. So I understand and don’t hold it against anyone. But, it is very obvious. We see you looking over at us and looking away. But, honestly, if you aren’t comfortable than I feel it’s OK to just wait until another day. But just remember, time doesn’t help. We will still feel the same in 5 years from now as we do today.
These occurrences have happened to me these past four months. People wonder why grievers stay home all the time. It is easier to stay home where we are safe than get into a situation that makes us uncomfortable. We walk on egg shells too. Trust me! If you happened to say anything I have mentioned, please don’t worry. We are all human and this is not a situation any of us thought we would be in. Like I said, this is how I feel.
I encourage you to please share a story or any thoughts you have. It can be anyone. All is welcome here!