Hi everyone. Today is Monday, April 9, 2018. A gloomy rainy day, perfect for a Monday.
The days all seem kind of the same now. Life goes on. People go about their daily activities. And my days continue without my son. I miss Chase dearly. Knowing I will see him again one day helps me get through the days but now I think of just how long it may be. It may be as long as I have been alive. It seems like forever.
The unfair thoughts are beginning to surface. He was so young, only 21. There was so much life for him to live. So many lessons to learn and figure out. He was a baby.
I always pictured Chase walking in the house early on a Saturday morning with a baby or two in his arms.
Chase would’ve been the greatest Dad. He had so much love in his heart and shared it with everyone. There wasn’t a mean bone in his body. He always wanted to help people!
I will never get the opportunity to be a Grandma. It really upsets me. Any parent reading this knows the unconditional love we have for our child.
My Mom told me she had the same love towards her grandchildren as her children. She said she was actually surprised at how much love she felt for them, and even said it sometimes feels greater. A giving love, she said recently.
I will never feel this love.
I only had Chase. That love is so great and will always be with me. I just don’t have my boy to share it with anymore. It is still here in my heart and soul. It’s just kind of stuck inside with no escape. I think that is what causes the tears, overflowing love. It needs a release sometimes.
When I change his flowers every week at his site and decorate for special occasions I am giving him my love. And when I pick off the little sticks and leaves on top of where he lays it’s the same as picking up his bedroom. I will never stop taking care of him.
Disbelief still stops me in my tracks when I think of reality. I still can’t believe he is gone. Denial will always linger. It is just unimaginable to comprehend my son being gone, forever. I have to live without him. My brain says no when it crosses my mind. I know it is real but I still can’t believe it.
I am very spiritual and close to God and my angels. Every morning I say hi to everyone. They guide me through my day and are eager to help when asked. I have no ill feeling at all towards God. He had a special place for Chase and Chase’s spiritual journey.
So the days keep coming, one at a time. Life continues to go on, without my child. Seems so wrong. I live for him but my goodness I can’t wait to see him! My life will begin when he is in my arms again!
Thank you all for listening…
God Bless and Much Love,
Please leave a comment below or any encouraging thoughts for all of us!