I’m Always With You

When we here the devastating news of the sudden passing of a child, it is, without a doubt, a life changing event to many, even strangers who cannot fathom something like this ever happening to them. It stops people in their tracks in disbelief and becomes the ascending entrance to conversations for days to come.

For many, it surfaces scary feelings of this happening to them. It briefly gets families attention and extra hugs are given to their loved ones, a gentle kiss on the forehead to children, and possibly some much-needed emotional attention between spouses. But very soon, daily life takes over and the loss of the child is somewhat forgotten.

The depth of the loss of a child is never ending to the parents. It is a hole that is never filled. A void that is never corrected. A loss that gets deeper and deeper with every waking sunrise. Each day is one more day that the parent hasn’t seen, heard, or felt their child.

People observe the parent and watch them finally smile, finally laugh, and finally present themselves to public appearing somewhat normal again. The comments of, “She is doing well,” “She is getting over it,” “It is finally behind her” are whispered.

After the loss of a child a parent basically has two choices, to live or to die. That is it. Simple as that. We can go on living the rest of this life and wonder what, why, who, why me, why him, I don’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve this, what did I “do” to deserve this, my life sucks, I want to die, this is so unfair, how come this didn’t happen to someone else, etc. Or, we, without having any other choice, try to somehow learn how to live day to day without our child’s physical presence.

This hurdle is the hardest, loneliest, isolating path a parent must battle. As I said, “must,” we certainly didn’t sign up for it.

In order to go on, we have to be somewhat reborn. The old self is completely gone, buried, adios. That person resided the moment we received the life-shattering news. So now we must, with the grace of God, learn how to live.

My rebirth began when I received several books about the afterlife. I never gave much attention to what happens when someone “crosses over,” when someone “sees the light,” or when we are summoned to review our life’s choices. Of course, I didn’t. Not until now.

I can’t speak for other grieving parents, but I, personally, am totally intrigued with this phenomenon. Heck, I am a Mom like many of you who simply wants to know what and how her son is doing. This feeling doesn’t ever go away. Til the day I myself cross over I will continue to wonder how my son is doing.

I was brought up in a Catholic family. We never really went to church much except Easter Sunday or when we stayed over at a friends house who religiously went to church every Sunday. Sunday’s were meant for eating a big hearty breakfast, spending time with family and friends, and lounging on the couch watching TV until another big hearty meal was ready.

I was always a believer in God and found myself in my twenties embarking on the Christian non-denominational positive speaking transformation. I found this more satisfying and it made more sense. Life can be so easy: Be a good person, don’t judge, love others, and treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. This has not changed.

The past two years since the loss of my son, I read and read and read. I used to only read in an airplane when I had the fortunate chance to travel and typically never finished the book. How times have changed. Like I said, we are reborn.

The books I read all have one thing in common and it is that they all have something to do with the soul, universe, afterlife, etc. There is a whole world, a universe, out there that many among the living have no idea about. Of course, I do hold a special place in my heart for this subject matter.

The most promising, the most important, and the greatest thing I have learned is guess what, we never die!

When our soul leaves its physical shell, it is greeted by loved ones, spirit guides and angels. The surroundings look the same at this point, very surreal. Many times the newly entered soul is confused and asks what is happening and if they are “dead.” They are immediately comforted with an overwhelming feeling of love from loved ones from past lives.

The new spirit sees us, the living, and tries so hard to comfort us telling us they are not gone and are so much alive, more than ever. They play songs that will remind you of them, plaster their name on a sign or billboard, play their favorite movie when you happen to turn on the TV, place pennies in your path, etc. They want so hard to let you know they are OK and often leave “Signs From Heaven.”

The newly entered soul intensely feels all the love and happiness it created for others during its lifetime: a simple “hello” to a stranger, a comforting smile to someone in need, and opening a door for someone that needs a hand. When you touched a heart, you made a difference.

We have all heard of how beautiful heaven is and evidently it is more than breathtaking. Colors are more vibrant, pronounced, and infinite. The way you imagine heaven in your head will be the portrait that appears, only better. What you think, you create.

You will also intensely feel the pain and hurt you caused others in your lifetime. You are shown choices that should’ve been handled differently and if so, the positive impact it could’ve created. This can be a trying time for some souls depending on the depth of the pain they caused.

Heaven is made of many levels and it is up to your soul when to move up to a higher level. It takes numerous lifetimes and accomplished life purposes and challenges for your soul to grow. Some say our soul has to live every different life style, good and bad, and feel every different emotion to reach the highest levels.

Many times throughout your life, you find yourself feeling more intense, more emotional about something even when you have nothing to do with it. Chances are, you have experienced this in another lifetime so it hits close to home.

Our loved ones in heaven have many responsibilities. It is almost like our jobs and duties here but very different. An important job they do for us is guide us along our lifelong journey. They send us messages, create special circumstances, place you in the right place at the right time, etc. There is no such thing as luck or a coincidence, it is your loved ones and spirit guides at work.

So when I think of my son and wonder what he is doing, I am comforted to know he is busy learning and cheering me on. This brief physical separation will end one day and we will rejoice together again. Until then, I will continue on my personal journey without my son’s physical presence and try to reclaim my newly defined self.

Since my son’s passing two years ago today, I have noticed a grand need, a strong urge for me to do something. “Do what” I repeatedly ask myself. I don’t know if it’s the void in my life or a greater sense talking to me. This feeling has created a lot of wonderment and “me” time. I wish I could be content just doing typical daily duties but I’m not. There is plenty to do to keep busy but it just isn’t satisfying whatever it is that’s eager to escape. We will see how this unfolds. 🙂

Until then, Best Wishes,


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