Losing a loved one is a tragic experience. At one point in everyone’s life, a loss will happen. We will lose a parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling, pet, best friend, co-worker, and unfortunately, a child. It is inevitable.
Some losses are greater than others, of course, and we suffer the impact when it happens. I feel the loss of a child is a separate club in itself. One club I never thought I would be a member of. My son is Always in My Heart.
A loss has so many meanings. It is like a city that keeps growing. Starting with one large main highway, then streets, avenues and boulevards appear, bridges form to connect them, and then sidewalks. The meaning is infinite and ongoing.
When we lose our child we will never physically see them, smell them, hear their voice, hug them, hold their hand, kiss their cheek, hear their laugh, listen to a story or joke. They are gone forever.
But you know what, they are not gone!
It is up to the living to keep our loved one alive. It is up to you. All because we cannot see our loved one does not mean they aren’t alive. In my opinion, they are more alive than ever and much closer to us.
They know us more than we know ourselves now. They see us, hear us, guide us, and help us. We cannot see them but they can see us. Their spirit surrounds us.
When I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night I verbally say good morning or good night to Chase, my Dad, and my angels, or spirit guides.
Throughout my day to day activities I talk to Chase and truly feel he hears me. I try not to bug him for advice or talk to him about my sadness because he will worry and it will keep him from his spiritual duties. He hears me and is listening so that helps me. He is always on my mind.
As you have read before, Chase loved great smelling candles. He liked the dark green or blue candles that have an outdoor clean fresh scent. Many people have their favorite types of aromas. Candles, perfume, cologne, cigarettes, pipe, cigar, a special cake, coffee, etc.
When you come across a scent and it reminds you of your loved one it makes you happy inside. My Mom gave me a candle for Christmas that smells like Chase’s apartment that I light daily. Why not have this regularly? Find a special candle and light it in memory of your loved one.
I think people feel it is unhealthy to keep things around that continuously remind us of our deceased love. It is more acceptable to try to slowly let go and move on. I disagree. I feel better, closer, happier, and more at peace when I see things around me that keep my son alive.
In my recent post, Dance With the Clouds, I mentioned how I brought balloons to Chase’s grave site for his birthday, made his favorite Oreo Cookie Cheesecake, and purchased a birthday card for him that I wrote in. Doing these things makes me feel like I am giving something to him.
As a Mom, we are constantly giving to our child. Even though my boy is gone I still want to give to him and feel better when I do. There is an enormous hole in my heart filled with love for my son. It’s important for me to share it with him. Why not if it makes me feel better.
Buy Them Gifts
For upcoming holidays I will get Chase a special little token gift and put it with his birthday card that I look forward to hand delivering to him one day. Holidays are tough for Mom’s. Tough for everyone! I think if we spend time getting our loved one something special like we did for so many years before it will help us. It can be something simple:
- a card
- a favorite restaurant menu
- a favorite movie ticket
- sports event ticket
- a band ticket they love
- concert, symphony, etc
- musical ticket they loved
- autograph of someone they admired
Chase’s token gifts are in a drawer but I think it would be neat to get a little Keepsake Box to keep everything in. Every time it gets opened it will be heart-warming. I will put his favorite cologne or the end of a candle that reminds me of him.
A Mom gives so much to her child. How can we all of a sudden stop giving when our entire life is centered around that? I can’t! It hurts too much!! I did everything for my son. He’s always on my mind.
Another thing I do that makes me feel close to my child is wear jewelry that has a very special meaning, Bereavement Jewelry.
I constantly hear my two bracelets jingle together and think of Chase. When I look in the mirror and see my necklace I think of Chase. Every time I see my finger and view my ring I think of Chase. It is a nice constant hello and brings a moment of love into my heart.
In my opinion, when a parent is grieving the loss of her precious child, anything to bring comfort, a smile, laughter, a loving memory is acceptable. There is no wrong or right. If you smile, keep doing it.
This is my personal journey and I hope any of you reading this will find something beneficial and helpful for you to use during your grieving. We are all in this together so let’s help each other.
I will keep my child alive forever and will continue to give to him like I did before. I will tidy up his grave site, light his favorite candle, smell his cologne, make his favorite cake, make his favorite meal, speak with him always, buy birthday and holiday cards for him, etc.
Please share with me any personal thing you do that keeps your loved one alive and makes you happy.
My Greatest Hugs,