If you are reading this, I am assuming you have lost a child or a loved one. I know nothing can ease the pain but I want you to know you are not alone in this process. My name is Kristy and I am a Mom who is tackling this thing called grief head on.
On November 19, 2017, my 21 year-old son, Chase, passed away unexpectedly. He was my only child. The love of every minute of my days. I miss him terribly. Since then, my personal life, as well as my social life have definitely changed.
These past months, I find myself seeking other grieving parents who are coping with the loss of a child. I have spent numerous hours online searching all kinds of child loss and grieving websites in hopes to find something to help. I’m not sure what I am trying to accomplish. I just need to know someone else is experiencing the same depth of my pain.
I have gratefully found strength from reading several books on grieving which I have made available to you under the My Favorites menu “Grief Books“. I’ve read many books that explore spirituality which many people are skeptical of. After losing a loved one, I feel you want to learn more about what happens to the soul.
From this, I decided to reach out to any parent suffering this traumatic loss and share my grieving journey with you in hopes that you may find something here that brings comfort to your day, hour, or minute. I’ll be adding Daily Encouraging Quotes frequently and anything else that is inspiring. Feel free to leave a message, offer advice, or share something that has helped you. And remember, you’re not alone!
On April 14, 2020 I lost my 18 year old daughter she was robbed and murdered. Since then I’ve lost all hope I cry everyday and night the pain hurts so bad. When I read your story I teared up and I understand your pain like you understand mine. I feel so alone and my thoughts are all over the place. I’m going through therapy, but nothing seems to be working. I really don’t know much all I know is I’m barely making it everyday. My life is different and nothing feels the same I don’t smile anymore and I just want to be alone. I feel like this is to much for me and I really don’t like anything anymore just wish she was still here with me daily.
Gosh I can’t even imagine what you are going through and I hate that you are going through this. My heart breaks anytime I hear another Mom has to live with this emptiness. And my gosh for her life to be stolen away from her, and you, in that manner is just heartbreaking… I am so so so sorry!!
I completely understand the pain you have wrapped around you. Some days it’s so tight you can’t breathe…
In the first few months after I lost my son I couldn’t find anything or do anything to ease the hurt. Someone mentioned to me to start a journal and put my feelings/thoughts on paper. I shrugged at the idea but out of desperation I tried it. It’s hard to explain how it made me feel but what I noticed was how my thoughts changed while writing. It was like little valleys opened up.
At this point we Mom’s will try anything.. Give it a shot. Why not…
I’m not sure about your spirituality or beliefs. Sometimes a loss of this magnitude can leave us questioning our past beliefs. I have done a complete 180 in that regards.
Your daughter is with you every single moment of the day. Right now, she is trying to make you stop crying and trying to console you. She hurts with you and wants you to be happy so so much. She hears you and sees you. And loves you…
Grief books saved my life! All I read now are books about the afterlife. I had to find out where my son went and if he was ok.. If you’d like some recommendations let me know.
Thank you so much for reaching out. Take this battle day to day, hour by hour. Don’t rush through it.. It’s impossible. And this is your grief and nobody else’s. Your unique and will handle it your personal way.
Just know that we Mom’s are all here together. All we want is to hold our child again. And we will! Every day is one day closer…
Bless You! Please keep in touch!
This is the first time I have seen your sight but I will be back. Getting ready for
Mothers Day is harder for me now because my 50 year old son died August 31,2018 . He lived 1000 miles away and I only got to see in once a year. But his Birthday is May 11 . He died suddenly of heart attach his first one, He was my youngest of two , my baby. I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to about him. I could write a book , but as you can see I don’t . Its very hard for me. I miss him so much His name was Rob. He had 3 beautiful children in their early 20s . His baby girl had just got married a month before his death. I did go to her wedding and also went down for his 50th birthday.
Hi Rae.. The holidays are so tough for us. Watching other people celebrate these special days when we are hurting inside but masking it to others.
I understand what you say about not having anyone to talk to. We have people who will listen but it’s so hard for us to get what we are going through out. I can’t even explain my feelings. There’s no correct terminology for grieving Mom’s. And time makes us miss them more. I can’t say time helps. We just learn how to live again. It’s so hard. We don’t want to we just have too.
I’m so so sorry about your son, your baby. And his lovely children. I hope you get to share his memories with his children. Memories are all we have… we have to keep them alive.. I still can’t believe my boy is gone. It seems like a lifetime but it also seems like yesterday. I miss him so much..
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. We are all in this together!!
My Son, Shane Stewart…took his life on May06,2015. He was bornJan.20,1997 Forever 18. On May 06,2015….God Broke My. ❤ to prove he only.takes the best. I found him hang on a tree outside in our backyard. When I seen him there I thought he was sitting on the chair…tried ? n said there you are….but then I notice the rope around his neck I screamed to his stepdad….told him to help me. He looked n seen Shane ran in the house n got a knife…I continued running to Shane but when I reached him It felt like I ran into a brick wall…my son was already stiff. The knife went threw the rope w/out any trouble. We laid him on the ground n I called 911. The 2nd worst day was May 14….the day we laid him to rest…Rest Peacefully, Son….Until we meet again
Oh gosh I am in tears. You’re story is heart breaking. I know “I’m so sorry “ doesn’t help and you’ve heard it too many times but I’m so sorry you witnessed the loss of your precious boy Shane. Thank you so much for sharing with me, I know it hurts.
We never know why or understand why our boys were taken away so soon. I do agree with you that the “best” ones are taken away early. God has a plan for them. I often think their souls must’ve fulfilled their journey here on earth and it was time for them to move onto new adventures.
We will find out one day when we hold them again! I can’t wait! Until then, we must live this life as best we can for Shane and Chase, my son. They want us to be the happiest we can be.. It’s hard but we can do it for them.
You’re wonderful! Thank you again for sharing your heart with me.
Big Hugs, Kristy
A mutual friend sent me your site in efforts to help my grieving process. Unfortunately I can now relate to your loss. Parents should never have to bury their children.
My son was 36 and healthy when I received a phone call at work saying he passed away and and unable to tell me the cause of death. I would ha e to wait 30-90 days for the autopsy report to learn why my son is gone. The worse day of my life. It hasn’t even been two months ago so I’m still very broken. I questioned my faith and was mad at God. I’ve since accepted he’s gone but my heart will never heal.
I was only 18 when I had him and sacrificed my childhood so he could have the life he deserved. He served his country for 5 years and received his doctorate 3 years ago. He was a professor at the University of TN He has just bought his first home last year. He worked so hard for years and all he had left to do was live and enjoy life. But that has now taken from him.
I miss him terribly. We were very close. He was my hero. I just want him back. I would give my life for him to have his back. My heart is broken. ?
Hi Sweet Lady, I know these words will not help but I am so so so sorry you are going through this. It is the worst unimaginable life change a person can go through. There are so many emotions that surface and we don’t know how or what do. At times, you are left feeling breathless. I think that’s when reality hits us with a brick and we can’t even allow our mind to think it is true. I can’t accept my son being gone and I never will.
The grieving process has the final stage as Acceptance. BUT, honestly, your son is not gone and never will be! He is with you every step of your days and will learn to communicate with you. We can accept their physical body is not present but their spirit body is. The spirit body is amazing! Your son is the same person in Spirit as he was in his physical form. Same personality, same beliefs, same love…
Immediately after my son left this lifetime, I searched for anything I could find to provide comfort. It seemed I kept running into super sad remarks from other Mom’s going through the same situation I had now landed in. Maybe we need it in the beginning. Just knowing I wasn’t alone did provide brief comfort. We are in such a unique position now. One that others will never understand. But I needed more…. something positive…
I became super interested in what happens to us when we pass. Like I mentioned before, the thought of living without my son was not something I could or will accept.
There are many books on spirituality and what happens to our souls. They are beautiful and I have to say, they have kept me alive!!!! A friend gave me a handful of books on the subject and I have to say, I’m not sure if I would still be here if it weren’t for these books.
Everyone has different beliefs on this subject so I sure hope I am not scaring you or disappointing you. 🙂 I am simply a Mom that will do anything to keep my boy alive. And please know you can. Your son wants to reach out to you as much as you do to him. He will begin to leave you signs, you just need to know the signs and open your mind.
I try to teach people to keep their loved ones alive. They can see, hear, and feel everything we do. Why not help them so they know we are listening? It’s all we have unfortunately. Sad to say but true. I would give my life for my son to have his life back too, in a heart beat!!! And I am not going to lie, I can’t wait for my life here to end and be able to be with my son.
I think I may have over loaded you, my apologies. 🙂 I am not a weirdo either, lol… I promise. My life has changed in so many ways but I am so grateful that I have opened my heart to “the other side.” These spirits need us so they can move on..
I hope to hear from you my friend. I am hear!!! God Bless you night and day!
I must admit your post was a very emotional read for me, but at the same time helped me realize how lucky I am never to experience the loss of a child. You website is going to be a great comfort for anyone who are grieving from the loss of a child, who better than someone who has experience this themselves to comfort others who have loss a child and maybe are not coping well.
Aww yes it can be very emotional to someone who isn’t experiencing this grieving process. I’m sorry if it made you sad. ?
I hope to reach others going through this so they can see the feelings/emotions that will happen. Hopefully it can provide some comfort in their dark hours. Everyone is different but there are a lot of experiences I feel we all have to tackle.
Thanks for commenting Jeff!
Thank you for this..
You are very welcome Nkhosingiphile. I appreciate your comment. If you are going through this, I am giving you a big hug and want you to know, I am right there with you. When you do feel alone, and it’s inevitable, know that there are others too. It’s something we must get through. It can’t be ignored.
I’ve always been very outgoing but now, I pretty much have turned into a loner.. and I love it! This is the new me. I am OK with that. It is a time of healing so I will allow myself to do what is needed to grow again.
Bless You and thanks again,
Awe man. I had no idea til now. I’m terribly sorry. What else can I say? I can’t imagine, nor do I want to. I admire what you are doing to find some peace and some sanity.
Awwww thank you! Writing helps with my healing. I’m so grateful I decided to do this… crazy! I never in a million years would imagine me doing something like this. Putting your thoughts down really releases emotions.
I appreciate your comment and thank you!
Have a blessed day,
I am not sure if you ever received my reply. I did reply but seeing this appears like I didn’t. I think it’s when our platform was updated. My apologies!
It’s ok and I thank you for commenting. ? Writing has been a huge help in my healing. I had to do something to get me through this. I feel I found it..
Thanks again and I’m sorry again! ?
Kristy, your words are beautiful! Through your grief and healing, you have also found a way to provide comfort to others that are going through the same loss!
Thank you so much.. they’re purely from my heart.. I’ll be adding posts as the days go by.. I just added, Finding Hope about an hour ago.. Hope fortunately came my way a couple weeks ago. This website is nourishing it! I’m so grateful I stumbled upon all this.. thank you again for replying!
Thanks for this , this is great
You are very welcome! This is the most isolating process any human can go through. We can’t really share how we feel. There are no words to reflect the true heartfelt feelings we encounter daily, hourly.
I don’t know your circumstance but I am with you, you are not alone. I appreciate you sharing with me!
Have a blessed day!
My son was born April 16th 2019. He passed away this month on the 2nd after 5 days in PICU due to complications from SIDS. Every parents worst nightmare. That morning id just put him back to sleep and 15 mins later my SO woke up and noticed the baby wasnt breathing. I panicked. Im trained in CPR but i panicked and didnt start it till the 911 operator said to. I started and we moved him from the bed to my sewing table …then he exhaled slowly. I couldnt think straight i was afraid it was his last breath & couldnt do the compressions the right number of times? the cops finally got there and took over. Then the EMT’s…. They worked on him till finally they got a heart beat. They think he was without air for at least 40 mins. That amount of time without air took a toll on my babies brain & organs. We spent 5 days in the hospital, each day he got so much worse. Finally with total organ faliure & the PICU team of doctors suspecting he was brain dead since he was unresponsive. He hadnt been sedated or given any pain medication so he shouldve been awake like normal but instead the whole 5 days he was asleep… Like a coma.. They said he wouldnt last another night & they didnt want him to pass without my having a chance to lay with him & hold him one more time so i agreed to switch to comfort care. It was the hardest decision of my life. My baby was slowly dying ..i couldnt be selfish. They said if by a chance he wasnt brain dead already all he could be feeling is pain & discomfort from all the tubes & medications we were giving him to keep his heart pumping & the machines breathing for him. It took forever for them to get him out of his crib and into a bed so i could lay by his side. He was in critical condition & they had to be very careful … Finally we got to lay with him & kiss his little head, hold his tiny hand & tell him how much i loved him. The time came to take him off the intubator.. They put him in my arms & let me hold him for the last minutes of his life. He was taken off the machine june 2nd at 8:10 pm… He passed away 8:46 pm. When he died.. I died with him. He had the most beautiful blue grey eyes… Just like his sister. While i held him he opened one eye…. That was his final gift to me. Id told him earlier in bed i just wanted to see him open his eyes one last time. His name was Tobias Presley?
Gosh I am so taken by your experience. I had to excuse myself into another room to be alone and cry. This is devastating. All loses are, without a doubt. I can picture you laying next to Tobias (which is a beautiful name by the way, very strong) caressing him and him opening his little blue grey eyes. That is so touching and priceless! I am so glad you’re wish came true. It was his soul speaking to you…
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. I know is wasn’t easy. It really never is nor does it really get easier. People say with time it does but, to me, it is harder. We are completely forced to keep on living without our baby. We have no choice!
You may be experiencing a major fog in your life right now, scatter brained to say the least. Simple every day tasks seem difficult and confusing. This stage is one I truly miss. It is a protective stage for you. The fog will soon clear…
You will experience grief in your own, personal unique way. It is a journey only you can take and get through. As Mom’s, this journey will only end when we are with our child again and boy I can’t wait!
Things that I can now look back that provided brief comfort and understanding were books on grief and the afterlife. The thought of losing my son forever is unimaginable and something I will not except. Educating myself on this subject has given me comfort knowing my son is with me always and always will be. I cannot see him but I can communicate with him and know he is listening.
Another thing I recommend is keeping a diary, notebook, etc close by and writing your thoughts in it. You will be surprised how your feelings open up when you write. Later you can look back and see how you’ve developed through grief.
Something very important I want to share is to not be surprised if you surface feelings of not wanting to go on any further. This is very normal for a Mom to experience these feelings. I didn’t know they were normal and was worried about myself until I stumbled upon the subject through reading and research. BUT, if the feelings are overwhelming and don’t go away I definitely recommend reaching out to someone, a counselor, friend, me, anyone, and get immediate help.
We are here together! And we will see our son’s again!! We must try our hardest to complete this life the best we can for them. They truly truly want us to smile and be happy. I know like heck it is hard! Some days are manageable and you will learn to laugh and smile again. Other days completely &*$*. Days like that you just have to accept and know tomorrow is a new day.
Please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You can reach me on Facebook Messenger too if you want to chat as well or in private. Bless you every waking second of your day my friend!
Much Love and Big Hugs,
Kristy, thank you for sharing. The website is beautiful and so honest and so very true. I have been looking for something to help deal with grief, the sadness and trying to accept the reality this loss. I will continue to read and find a measure of comfort during this difficult process. Blessings to you….
Aww thank you Jackie, Yaya 🙂 It’s to hard to handle this without some kind of support.. whether it be books, support groups, internet searching (like me).. I had to do something for help. I’m so glad you found something here that gave you some healing.. or a smile.. that makes me feel very comforted 🙂
It’s comforting to see somebody else express themselves For a way to cope with grieving and heal your soul
Thank you Linda! This is my way of coping through this process. Everyone will grieve differently. If sharing a thought helps than this is a great place to do that. We are all in this together. Thank you again for reaching out!