February 7, 2018
My name is Kristy Laurel. I live in a small town 20 miles south of Houston, Texas and 30 miles north of Galveston Island. I have lived in Texas all my 46 years of life.
I am currently a Registered Nurse and share my nursing career between a traumatic brain and spinal cord specialty hospital, rehabilitation units, skilled nursing facilities, and home health hospice. I received my nursing license in 2010 after twenty-two years of working in various restaurants and bars.
I am married to a wonderful man for five years now and had twenty-one fortunate years of life with my incredible son Chase.
Ten weeks ago on November 19, 2017, my sweet child unexpectedly passed away. As of this time, we do not know what happened.
My life will never be the same.
The following week was the toughest experience of my life. A Mom loses the love of her life and is immediately expected to make decisions on funeral homes, receptions, burial plots, a coffin! And then you have homework: Choosing pictures and songs for the video that will be played at the viewing and service.
The weeks following were enveloped in a thick fog. My train of thinking was scattered. The simplest task became a huge chore. I had no energy and was so tired.
I became obsessed with wanting to hear Chase’s voice, hear his laughter, feel his warm huge bear hug.
My train of thinking was scattered. I read that spirits visit us when we sleep so I couldn’t wait to go to sleep in hopes that my baby would visit me.
The days ran together and the depth of my loss deepened. How can I live without my only son? My baby is gone. This didn’t happen. I can’t believe this happened. How will I live? My life is over…
A friend of mine who suffered the loss of her husband had purchased many books on grieving and shared some with me. Wow! I learned my thoughts of ending this misery were very normal for parents after this earth-shattering loss. I wasn’t alone in this battle.
Through my reading, I became prepared for the days and months ahead. These books helped me open my first chapter in my personal healing. The more I read, the more I learned about life after death and how alive the spirit is.
When a parent losses a child, we have to know they are OK. Our protective nature is still alive and intensified at this time. Where did my baby go? Is he OK? Is he with loved ones?
I very soon realized that going back to nursing was too much for me to handle at this time. The thought of seeing anyone suffering, sick, or in pain would be too close to home. I will now have to explore my skills and find a new future.
My world has completely changed. It almost feels like a mid-life crisis. He was my only son. My mind was always focused on my son. His future, career, education, happiness, future wedding, children. I not only lost my son but I lost the role of being a mother, a possible grandmother in the future. All my hopes and dreams for my child were suddenly taken away.
In the beginning of this journey called grieving, we are surrounded with a thick hazey fog. God protects us this way because reality would be too much to absorb all at once. Denial is protection.
As the days pass, the fog thins and we begin to understand the magnitude of our loss. The days seem harder and more alone. I am in this stage now. We know we have many loved ones who are there for us and bless them all for reaching out to me and offering support.
I’ve learned I enjoy reading other parent’s posts, thoughts, coping mechanisms. It helps to read what other parents are going through or have gone through. The most helpful for me has been the grieving books and books written by mediums. We all want to know how our kiddo is doing don’t we?
So this is where I am now. I want to share my personal journey with anyone going through this stage as well. I will share what has helped me these past couple months and what has given me any bit of hope. I encourage you to open up your feelings and we can all grieve together.
Nothing will ever bring our babies back, ever, and we will never “get over” our loss. We just have to learn how to cope and learn to live this new life.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and/or questions below in the comment section or email me and I will be happy to help.